Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted. – Fred Allen
The first time I sang in the church choir two hundred people changed their religion. – Fred Allen
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We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion. – Fred Allen
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Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. Theyre afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs. – Fred Allen
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People who make puns are like wanton boys that put coppers on the railroad tracks. They amuse themselves and other children, but their little trick may upset a freight train of conversation for the sake of a battered witticism. – Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr., The Autocrat of the Breakfast-Table, 1858
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A pun does not commonly justify a blow in return. But if a blow were given for such cause, and death ensued, the jury would be judges both of the facts and of the pun, and might, if the latter were of an aggravated character, return a verdict of justifiable homicide. – Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr. (1809–1894), The Autocrat of the Breakfast-tabl
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