Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted. – Fred Allen
A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. – Fred Allen
Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted. – Fred Allen
A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. – Fred Allen
Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time. The man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host. – Fred Allen
California is a fine place to live – if you happen to be an orange. – Fred Allen
A pun does not commonly justify a blow in return. But if a blow were given for such cause, and death ensued, the jury would be judges both of the facts and of the pun, and might, if the latter were of an aggravated character, return a verdict of justifiable homicide. – Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr. (1809–1894), The Autocrat of the Breakfast-tabl