I cannot sing, dance or act what else would I be but a talk show host. – David Letterman
Dont forget its daylight savings time. You spring forward, then you fall back. Its like Robert Downey Jr. getting out of bed. – David Letterman
Dick Cheney said he was running again. He said his health was fine, Ive got a doctor with me 24 hours a day. Yeah, thats always the sign of a man in good health, isnt it? – David Letterman
We inadvertently bombed the Chinese Embassy. But Clinton now is working very hard. He has sent a letter of apology to the Chinese. And, hes also given them a gift certificate for future nuclear secrets. – David Letterman