I cannot sing, dance or act what else would I be but a talk show host. – David Letterman
Theres only one requirement of any of us, and that is to be courageous. Because courage, as you might know, defines all other human behavior. And, I believe – because Ive done a little of this myself – pretending to be courageous is just as good as the real thing. – David Letterman
We inadvertently bombed the Chinese Embassy. But Clinton now is working very hard. He has sent a letter of apology to the Chinese. And, hes also given them a gift certificate for future nuclear secrets. – David Letterman
The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know, some of these jokes just write themselves. – David Letterman
Youve got to honor your relationship with your audience – that they sit down because they want to be entertained. And that doesnt mean you cant provoke them and antagonize them and challenge them in the course of the entertainment as long as you keep the entertainment part of the equation alive. – David E. Kelley