Pipe-smokers spend so much time cleaning, filling and fooling with their pipes, they dont have time to get into mischief. – Bill Vaughan
The Vice-Presidency is sort of like the last cookie on the plate. Everybody insists he wont take it, but somebody always does. – Bill Vaughan
Im an actor. And I guess Ive done so many movies Ive achieved some high visibility. But a star? I guess I still think of myself as kind of a worker ant. – Bill Vaughan
Money wont buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem. – Bill Vaughan
Economists report that a college education adds many thousands of dollars to a mans lifetime income – which he then spends sending his son to college. – Bill Vaughan
Youth is when youre allowed to stay up late on New Years Eve. Middle age is when youre forced to. – Bill Vaughan
The wonderful world of home appliances now makes it possible to cook indoors with charcoal and outdoors with gas. – Bill Vaughan
Muscles come and go flab lasts. – Bill Vaughan
Now that women are jockeys, baseball umpires, atomic scientists, and business executives, maybe someday they can master parallel parking. – Bill Vaughan
As a nation we are dedicated to keeping physically fit — and parking as close to the stadium as possible. – Bill Vaughan
Man is the animal that intends to shoot himself out into interplanetary space, after having given up on the problem of an efficient way to get himself five miles to work and back each day. – Bill Vaughan
It would be nice if the poor were to get even half of the money that is spent in studying them. – Bill Vaughan
We hope that, when the insects take over the world, they will remember with gratitude how we took them along on all our picnics. – Bill Vaughan
It might be a good idea if the various countries of the world would occasionally swap history books, just to see what other people are doing with the same set of facts. – Bill Vaughan
A three year old child is a being who gets almost as much fun out of a fifty-six dollar set of swings as it does out of finding a small green worm. – Bill Vaughan
A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works. – Bill Vaughan
