I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get. – Rodney Dangerfield
At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he cant. – Rodney Dangerfield
Yeah, I know Im ugly… I said to a bartender, Make me a zombie. He said God beat me to it. – Rodney Dangerfield
We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations – were doing everything we can to keep our marriage together. – Rodney Dangerfield
It is wonderful that five thousand years have now elapsed since the creation of the world, and still it is undecided whether or not there has ever been an instance of the spirit of any person appearing after death. All argument is against it; but all belief is for it. – Samuel Johnson, quoted by James Boswell