I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get. – Rodney Dangerfield
I havent spoken to my wife in years. I didnt want to interrupt her. – Rodney Dangerfield
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This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me. – Rodney Dangerfield
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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap. – Rodney Dangerfield
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My parents were very permissive when it came to animals. As long as we earned the money to buy them and built whatever structure it was they were going to live in, we could have any kind of pet we wanted. They would have let us have a rhinoceros if we could have afforded it. – Maggie Stiefvater
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