Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. – Dave Barry
I regularly read Internet user groups filled with messages from people trying to solve software incompatibility problems that, in terms of complexity, make the U.S. Tax Code look like Dr. Seuss. – Dave Barry
As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots than, for example, Dracula. – Dave Barry
Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as a person who remembers when there was no Velcro. – Dave Barry
If other Germans drink beer, German students swill it. If one is unable to toss off his fifteen glasses in an hour, it is regarded by his fellows as a sign of puerility only less strong than that he has the scar of no duel on his cheek. – Arthur Handly Marks, “Berlin: Its Bayonets and Its Beer” (Berlin, 1887 June 14th
To prevent beer from being turned by thunder.— Having ascertained that it is perfectly good, draw off entirely in pint pots; then having collected an equal number of railway navigators, distribute accordingly. This will answer in the hottest summer. – “Advice Gratis,” The World of Wit and Humour edited by George Manville Fenn, 187