I tend to avoid televisions, politics, and places with velvet ropes. – Demetri Martin
I like to use I Cant Believe its Not Butter on my toast in the morning, because sometimes when I eat breakfast, I like to be incredulous. How was breakfast? Unbelievable. – Demetri Martin
If I have to move up in a building, I choose the elevator over the escalator. Because one time I was riding the escalator and I tripped. I fell down the stairs for an hour and a half. – Demetri Martin
Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time. – Demetri Martin