Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time. – Demetri Martin
I tend to avoid televisions, politics, and places with velvet ropes. – Demetri Martin
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I think that when you get dressed in the morning, sometimes youre really making a decision about your behavior for the day. Like if you put on flipflops, youre saying: Hope I dont get chased today. Be nice to people in sneakers. – Demetri Martin
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I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said Happy Birthday on it. I didnt want to waste it so I just wrote Jesus on it. – Demetri Martin
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You know, people talk about this being an uncertain time. You know, all time is uncertain. I mean, it was uncertain back in – in 2007, we just didnt know it was uncertain. It was – uncertain on September 10th, 2001. It was uncertain on October 18th, 1987, you just didnt know it. – Warren Buffett
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