Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time. – Demetri Martin
The thing about glitter is, if you get it on you be prepared to have it on you forever because glitter is the herpes of craft supplies. – Demetri Martin
The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly. – Demetri Martin
I like women, but you cant always trust them. Some of them are big liars, like this one woman I met who had a dog. I asked her her dogs name and then I asked, Does he bite? and she said, No. And I said, So how does he eat? Liar! – Demetri Martin
You know, people talk about this being an uncertain time. You know, all time is uncertain. I mean, it was uncertain back in – in 2007, we just didnt know it was uncertain. It was – uncertain on September 10th, 2001. It was uncertain on October 18th, 1987, you just didnt know it. – Warren Buffett