Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time. – Demetri Martin
I tend to avoid televisions, politics, and places with velvet ropes. – Demetri Martin
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I like women, but you cant always trust them. Some of them are big liars, like this one woman I met who had a dog. I asked her her dogs name and then I asked, Does he bite? and she said, No. And I said, So how does he eat? Liar! – Demetri Martin
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I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle thats 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says go outside. – Demetri Martin
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