I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything. – Demetri Martin
The thing about glitter is, if you get it on you be prepared to have it on you forever because glitter is the herpes of craft supplies. – Demetri Martin
I tend to avoid televisions, politics, and places with velvet ropes. – Demetri Martin
Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away. – Demetri Martin
Advancements in technology have become so commonplace that sometimes we forget to stop and think about how incredible it is that a girl on her laptop in Texas can see photos and cell phone video in real time that a young college student has posted of a rally hes at in Iran. – Rosalind Wiseman