Quote by Demetri Martin
I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I

I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything. – Demetri Martin

Other quotes by Demetri Martin

People and squirrels are very different. Most people will not argue that. But I find that there is one situation in which theyre very similar. And that is: when I am driving towards them in my car. Then theyre kind of hard to tell apart – especially if the human is kind of hairy. – Demetri Martin

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car
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Our attitudes control our lives. Attitudes are a secret power working twenty-four hours a day, for good or bad. It is of paramount importance that we know how to harness and control this great force. – Irving Berlin

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One can know a man from his laugh, and if you like a mans laugh before you know anything of him, you may confidently say that he is a good man. – Fyodor Dostoevsky

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Despite everything, I believe that people are really good at heart. – Anne Frank

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good

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more. – Woody Allen

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I like refried beans. Thats why I wanna try fried beans, because maybe theyre just as good and were just wasting time. You dont have to fry them again after all. – Mitch Hedberg

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Actually, this seems to be the basic need of the human heart in nearly every great crisis — a good hot cup of coffee. – Alexander King

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The stupid believe that to be truthful is easy only the artist, the great artist, knows how difficult it is. – Willa Cather

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That common cold of the male psyche, fear of commitment. – Richard Schickel

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