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Quote by Demetri Martin
I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I

I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything. – Demetri Martin

Other quotes by Demetri Martin

I like women, but you cant always trust them. Some of them are big liars, like this one woman I met who had a dog. I asked her her dogs name and then I asked, Does he bite? and she said, No. And I said, So how does he eat? Liar! – Demetri Martin

Category:
Trust
Author
Demetri Martin
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I didnt do improv in college, I never performed, I didnt do theater either. I was in student government, I was a history major. – Demetri Martin

Category:
Government
Author
Demetri Martin
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I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said Happy Birthday on it. I didnt want to waste it so I just wrote Jesus on it. – Demetri Martin

Category:
Birthday
Author
Demetri Martin
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Other Quotes from
good
category

Since you get more joy out of giving joy to others, you should put a good deal of thought into the happiness that you are able to give. – Eleanor Roosevelt

Category:
good

You could write a song about some kind of emotional problem you are having, but it would not be a good song, in my eyes, until it went through a period of sensitivity to a moment of clarity. Without that moment of clarity to contribute to the song, its just complaining. – Joni Mitchell

Category:
good

To be good is noble but to show others how to be good is nobler and no trouble. – Mark Twain

Category:
good

For most Americans, Friday afternoons are filled with positive anticipation of the weekend. In Washington, its where government officials dump stories they want to bury. Good news gets dropped on Monday so bureaucrats can talk about it all week. – John Sununu

Category:
good

Random Quotes

To limit the press is to insult a nation; to prohibit reading of certain books is to declare the inhabitants to be either fools or slaves. – Claude-Adrien Helvétius

Category:
Censorship

When you reach a certain status in Hollywood, you have to play a lot of games to stay in the limelight. It becomes more about being famous than being an actor. – Jason Lee

Category:
famous

A man doesnt know what he knows until he knows what he doesnt know. – Laurence J. Peter

Category:
funny

In our society leaving baby with Daddy is just one step above leaving the kids to be raised by wolves or apes. – Al Roker

Category:
Society