I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything. – Demetri Martin
The comedians I liked were Bill Cosby and Steven Wright, like just always as a comedic actor. I always liked Gary Larson, whos really funny for a cartoonist, obviously. – Demetri Martin
If I have to move up in a building, I choose the elevator over the escalator. Because one time I was riding the escalator and I tripped. I fell down the stairs for an hour and a half. – Demetri Martin
I think that when you get dressed in the morning, sometimes youre really making a decision about your behavior for the day. Like if you put on flipflops, youre saying: Hope I dont get chased today. Be nice to people in sneakers. – Demetri Martin