I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything. – Demetri Martin
Stand-up is like a row boat: its fun and romantic when youre choosing to do it. But if you have no other choice than to be in a row boat its not as enjoyable thats survival. – Demetri Martin
People and squirrels are very different. Most people will not argue that. But I find that there is one situation in which theyre very similar. And that is: when I am driving towards them in my car. Then theyre kind of hard to tell apart – especially if the human is kind of hairy. – Demetri Martin
And of course I didnt make any money from stand up for years, so I had temp jobs. That was the way I made money. – Demetri Martin