The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant thumbs. – Dave Barry
User, n. The word computer professionals use when they mean “idiot.” – Dave Barry
It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent. – Dave Barry
Crabgrass can grow on bowling balls in airless rooms, and there is no known way to kill it that does not involve nuclear weapons. – Dave Barry