The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant thumbs. – Dave Barry
Although Golf was originally restricted to wealthy Protestants, today its open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. – Dave Barry
The Constitution of the United States of America, Article V, Section 1: There shall be a National Anthem containing incomprehensible words and a high note that normal humans cannot hit without risk of hernia. – Dave Barry
It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent. – Dave Barry