The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant thumbs. – Dave Barry
Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 feet per second, is a cow that has been dropped out of a helicopter. – Dave Barry
Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting. – Dave Barry
All the shopping malls and restaurants and airports are riddled with low-fidelity loudspeakers, which apparently have developed the ability to reproduce by themselves; these are all connected to a special programming service called Music That Nobody Really Likes, and you cannot get away from it. – Dave Barry