The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant thumbs. – Dave Barry
Auto racing is boring except when a car is going at least 172 miles per hour upside down. – Dave Barry
The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting. – Dave Barry
What, exactly, is the Internet? Basically it is a global network exchanging digitized data in such a way that any computer, anywhere, that is equipped with a device called a “modem” can make a noise like a duck choking on a kazoo. – Dave Barry