I trained to be a priest – started to. I went to seminary school when I was 11. I wanted to be a priest, but when they told me I could never have sex, not even on my birthday, I changed my mind. – Johnny Vegas

I used to be good with kids, but as I get older, Im grumpy and terrible with them. As for doing a gig at a 6-year olds birthday party, you couldnt pay me enough. – Johnny Vegas