How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand. – Emo Philips
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men dont seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper. – Emo Philips
Probably the worst time in a persons life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise its been a pretty good day. – Emo Philips
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesnt work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me. – Emo Philips