I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and Im gone. – Steven Wright
I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, What for? I said, Im going to buy some sugar. – Steven Wright
There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators. – Steven Wright
We talked about many issues, like welfare, is it the way of life or hand up? Talked about size of government, how much should it tax families and small businesses? And when we left that lunch, we got in the car and I looked over at Chuck and said, Ill be damned. were Republicans. – Susana Martinez