I can be in 20 movies. But Ill never be an actor. – Jon Stewart
The Supreme Court ruled that disabled golfer Casey Martin has a legal right to ride in a golf cart between shots at PGA Tour events. Man, the next thing you know, theyre going to have some guy carry his clubs around for him. – Jon Stewart
If the events of September 11, 2001, have proven anything, its that the terrorists can attack us, but they cant take away what makes us American – our freedom, our liberty, our civil rights. No, only Attorney General John Ashcroft can do that. – Jon Stewart
Our culture is just a series of checks and balances. The whole idea that were in a battle between tyranny and freedom – its a series of pendulum swings. – Jon Stewart
Ive always liked Atlanta. And not just for the strip clubs, but the shopping and the food. – Jon Stewart
Im not just a boy toy. I have feelings and dreams like anybody else. – Jon Stewart
McVeighs lawyer got him the death penalty, which, quite frankly, I could have done. – Jon Stewart
The seven marvels that best represent mans achievements over the last 2,000 years will be determined by Internet vote… so look for Howard Sterns Private Parts to come in No. 1. – Jon Stewart
I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land. – Jon Stewart
You just have to keep trying to do good work, and hope that it leads to more good work. I want to look back on my career and be proud of the work, and be proud that I tried everything. Yes, I want to look back and know that I was terrible at a variety of things. – Jon Stewart
On an average day 7 minutes of news happens. Yet there are currently three full-time, 24-hour news networks. – Jon Stewart
The Internet is just a world passing around notes in a classroom. – Jon Stewart
