The seven marvels that best represent mans achievements over the last 2,000 years will be determined by Internet vote… so look for Howard Sterns Private Parts to come in No. 1. – Jon Stewart
I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land. – Jon Stewart
If the events of September 11, 2001, have proven anything, its that the terrorists can attack us, but they cant take away what makes us American – our freedom, our liberty, our civil rights. No, only Attorney General John Ashcroft can do that. – Jon Stewart
The Supreme Court ruled that disabled golfer Casey Martin has a legal right to ride in a golf cart between shots at PGA Tour events. Man, the next thing you know, theyre going to have some guy carry his clubs around for him. – Jon Stewart