I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land. – Jon Stewart
McVeighs lawyer got him the death penalty, which, quite frankly, I could have done. – Jon Stewart
On an average day 7 minutes of news happens. Yet there are currently three full-time, 24-hour news networks. – Jon Stewart
You just have to keep trying to do good work, and hope that it leads to more good work. I want to look back on my career and be proud of the work, and be proud that I tried everything. Yes, I want to look back and know that I was terrible at a variety of things. – Jon Stewart