I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land. – Jon Stewart
Our culture is just a series of checks and balances. The whole idea that were in a battle between tyranny and freedom – its a series of pendulum swings. – Jon Stewart
The Internet is just a world passing around notes in a classroom. – Jon Stewart
The Supreme Court ruled that disabled golfer Casey Martin has a legal right to ride in a golf cart between shots at PGA Tour events. Man, the next thing you know, theyre going to have some guy carry his clubs around for him. – Jon Stewart
I had this totally impossible dream of being an actress. Trust me, just because Im lucky enough to be doing this doesnt make any of this less of a pipe dream. And nothing gets my juices flowing like a really great performance. To see someone on stage, I get really excited. – Olivia Thirlby