I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything. – Demetri Martin
The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly. – Demetri Martin
Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away. – Demetri Martin
I think a lot of stuff I find funny is from day dreaming. – Demetri Martin
I think since I was kid people told me that they thought I was funny. – Demetri Martin
But I found that disappointing people is a good thing, because disapproval is freedom. – Demetri Martin
The thing about glitter is, if you get it on you be prepared to have it on you forever because glitter is the herpes of craft supplies. – Demetri Martin
