Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home. – Phyllis Diller
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age – as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. – Phyllis Diller

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home. – Phyllis Diller
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age – as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. – Phyllis Diller
Health — what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down. – Phyllis Diller
We spend the first twelve months of our childrens lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up. – Phyllis Diller
I love my parents. But Im almost 28 and its not fun to be asked, What are you doing today? What do you want for dinner? When are you going to be home? It just makes you feel like a kid. Its this juxtaposition of feeling annoyed and really lucky to have people who love you so much. – Jonah Hill