A man will go to war, fight and die for his country. But he wont get a bikini wax. – Rita Rudner
I get a lot of return business. I think its all those years I put in traveling around the country people saw me before and had a good time so they want to see me again. – Rita Rudner
When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always. – Rita Rudner
Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in. – Rita Rudner
I hate war for its consequences, for the lies it lives on and propagates, for the undying hatreds it arouses, for the dictatorships it puts in the place of democracies, and for the starvation that stalks after it. I hate war, and never again will I sanction or support another. – Harry Emerson Fosdick