If it werent for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, wed still be eating frozen radio dinners. – Johnny Carson
Happiness is your dentist telling you it won’t hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill. – Johnny Carson
Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often. – Johnny Carson
The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other. – Johnny Carson