Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they? – George Carlin
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. – George Carlin
Theres no present. Theres only the immediate future and the recent past. – George Carlin
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom. – George Carlin
When the United States was founded, the very idea of a nation premised on democratic principles of freedom and tolerance was viewed by the vast majority of the world as an experiment doomed to fail. Dictatorships, monarchies, and theocracies had for many centuries ruled the world. – Eliot Spitzer
Upon the whole, I am inclined to think that the far greater part, if not all, of those difficulties which have hitherto amused philosophers, and blocked up the way to knowledge, are entirely owing to our selves. That we have first raised a dust, and then complain, we cannot see. – George Berkeley