I want a pit crew… I hate the procedure I currently have to go through when I have car problems. – Dave Barry
The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting. – Dave Barry
I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford. – Dave Barry
All the shopping malls and restaurants and airports are riddled with low-fidelity loudspeakers, which apparently have developed the ability to reproduce by themselves; these are all connected to a special programming service called Music That Nobody Really Likes, and you cannot get away from it. – Dave Barry