I want a pit crew… I hate the procedure I currently have to go through when I have car problems. – Dave Barry
I regularly read Internet user groups filled with messages from people trying to solve software incompatibility problems that, in terms of complexity, make the U.S. Tax Code look like Dr. Seuss. – Dave Barry
It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in line behind people who apparently view it as some kind of recreational activity. – Dave Barry
All the shopping malls and restaurants and airports are riddled with low-fidelity loudspeakers, which apparently have developed the ability to reproduce by themselves; these are all connected to a special programming service called Music That Nobody Really Likes, and you cannot get away from it. – Dave Barry
Mayors could never get away with the kind of nonsense that goes on in Washington. In our world, you either picked up the trash or you didnt. You either moved an abandoned car or you didnt. You either filled a pothole or you didnt. Thats what we do every day. And we know how to get this stuff done. – Michael Nutter
And thus the literary man has two fires in his body: the strain of his mental work and the overmuch of blood in his head…. Man, so rich in knowledge, has also become rich in diseases, but poor in health and physical strength. – Sebastian Kneipp, Thus Shalt Thou Live: Hints and Advice for the Healthy and the