If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it? – Steven Wright
I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldnt park anywhere near the place. – Steven Wright
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, Im afraid of widths. – Steven Wright
Good food and a warm kitchen are what makes a house a home. I always tried to make my home like my mothers, because Mom was magnificent at stretching a buck when it came to decorating and food. Like a true Italian, she valued beautification in every area of her life, and I try to do the same. – Rachael Ray
We didnt have television until I was about eight years old, so it was either the movies or radio. A lot of radio drama. That was our television, you know. We had to use our imagination. So it was really those two things, and the comics, that I immersed myself in as a child. – Jessica Hagedorn