I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car. – Steven Wright
Babies dont need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach… it pisses me off! Ill go over to a little baby and say What are you doing here? You havent worked a day in your life! – Steven Wright
Right now Im having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. – Steven Wright
I could be on 52nd and Third in Manhattan up and ask a strange for directions and they will help you, thats a rural heart. Your car breaks down in the middle of Iowa or somewhere, or Tennessee where Im from, people want to help each other. Given each opportunity, you see how people come together. – Rodney Atkins
My dad was in the army. World War II. He got his college education from the army. After World War II he became an insurance salesman. Really, I didnt know my dad very well. He and my mother split up after the war. I was raised by my maternal grandmother and grandfather, and by my mother. – Al Pacino