The taxpayers cannot be relied upon to support performing arts such as opera. As a taxpayer, I am forced to admit that I would rather undergo a vasectomy via Weed Whacker than attend an opera. – Dave Barry
I have always dressed according to certain Basic Guy Fashion Rules, Including: Both of your socks should always be the same color, Or they should at least both be fairly dark. – Dave Barry
All the shopping malls and restaurants and airports are riddled with low-fidelity loudspeakers, which apparently have developed the ability to reproduce by themselves; these are all connected to a special programming service called Music That Nobody Really Likes, and you cannot get away from it. – Dave Barry
The information encoded in your DNA determines your unique biological characteristics, such as sex, eye color, age and Social Security number. – Dave Barry