I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window. – Steven Wright
I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, What for? I said, Im going to buy some sugar. – Steven Wright
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it? – Steven Wright
Im hungry for knowledge. The whole thing is to learn every day, to get brighter and brighter. Thats what this world is about. You look at someone like Gandhi, and he glowed. Martin Luther King glowed. Muhammad Ali glows. I think thats from being bright all the time, and trying to be brighter. – Jay-Z