I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldnt park anywhere near the place. – Steven Wright
There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators. – Steven Wright

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldnt park anywhere near the place. – Steven Wright
There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators. – Steven Wright
I named my dog Stay so I can say, “Come here, Stay. Come here, Stay.” – Steven Wright
Babies dont need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach… it pisses me off! Ill go over to a little baby and say What are you doing here? You havent worked a day in your life! – Steven Wright
When I was in high school, there was Superbad and The Girl Next Door and Wedding Crashers and all these great movies. You hope to be a part of something thats smart, funny and in that Todd Phillips-vein. You want to make something like Superbad. That movie was so good and so funny. – Miles Teller