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Quote by Demetri Martin
People and squirrels are very different. Most people will not argu

People and squirrels are very different. Most people will not argue that. But I find that there is one situation in which theyre very similar. And that is: when I am driving towards them in my car. Then theyre kind of hard to tell apart – especially if the human is kind of hairy. – Demetri Martin

Other quotes by Demetri Martin

For example, I was a White House intern the summer before I dropped out of law school. Everybody knew about it. Id come home and go to church and everybody would say, Oh, my God. Demetri, youre working at the White House. – Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
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If I have to move up in a building, I choose the elevator over the escalator. Because one time I was riding the escalator and I tripped. I fell down the stairs for an hour and a half. – Demetri Martin

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I was always an observer, even as a child. I could be satisfied to sit in a car for 3 hours and just look at the street go by while my mother went shopping. – Jonathan Winters

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In the history of the world, no one has ever washed a rented car. – Lawrence Summers

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I knew that by getting behind the wheel of the car and having had something to drink, the responsibility laid on my shoulders. – Tracey Gold

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I promise you a police car on every sidewalk. – Marion Berry

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