The nightmare is you spend the rest of your life being funny at parties and then people say, Why didnt you do that when you were on television? – Conan OBrien
A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: Duh. – Conan OBrien
The Canadian government continues to say they will not help us if we go to war with Iraq. However, the prime minister of Canada said hed like to help, but hes pretty sure that last time he checked, Canada had no army. – Conan OBrien
Earlier today, Arnold Schwarzenegger criticized the California school system, calling it disastrous. Arnold says Californias schools are so bad that its graduates are willing to vote for me. – Conan OBrien