The nightmare is you spend the rest of your life being funny at parties and then people say, Why didnt you do that when you were on television? – Conan OBrien
During last nights debate, John Kerry and John Edwards were so friendly to each other some political experts think that they may end up running together. In fact Kerry and Edwards were so friendly, President Bush accused them of planning a gay marriage. – Conan OBrien
Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and youre kind, amazing things will happen. – Conan OBrien
A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: Duh. – Conan OBrien
This is the great thing about Northern Ireland. I walk down the street and people stop me and say things like, I know you. Youre that wee golfer, arent you? I say, Yeah, thats me. They say, Keep it up, wee man. Its very funny and thats why I want to stay here as long as possible. – Rory McIlroy