The nightmare is you spend the rest of your life being funny at parties and then people say, Why didnt you do that when you were on television? – Conan OBrien
Every comedian dreams of hosting The Tonight Show and, for seven months, I got to. I did it my way, with people I love, and I do not regret a second. – Conan OBrien
Pamela Anderson Lee released a statement confirming that she has had her breast implants removed. Doctors say that Pamela is doing fine and that her old implants are now dating Charlie Sheen. – Conan OBrien
The U.S. army confirmed that it gave a lucrative fire fighting contract in Iraq to the firm once run by the Vice President Dick Cheney without any competitive bidding. When asked if this could be conceived as Cheneys friends profiting from the war, the spokesman said Yes. – Conan OBrien