Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats, then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure. – Fred Allen
I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there. – Fred Allen
We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion. – Fred Allen
My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense. – Fred Allen