The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. – George Carlin
Were having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, were having a swan. You get more stuffing. – George Carlin
Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. – George Carlin
If crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? – George Carlin
There are ways we can go do a better job of educating young moms and dads about the vital role they have as the childs first teacher. I think there are ways in which we can partner with local school districts and states to do a better job to provide nutrition options at school. – Tom Vilsack