The last time I saw him he was walking down lovers lane holding his own hand. – Fred Allen
We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion. – Fred Allen
An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission. – Fred Allen
Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted. – Fred Allen
As long as I do a good job, I believe the future is going to take care of itself, but actually I like very much being in elected office and there is no consideration about doing anything different until I can be assured that we are going to have the best voting systems in the country. – Katherine Harris