My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense. – Fred Allen
A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. – Fred Allen
An actors popularity is fleeting. His success has the life expectancy of a small boy who is about to look into a gas tank with a lighted match. – Fred Allen
I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back. – Fred Allen