I know a man who doesnt pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car. – Henny Youngman
Shes been married so many times she has rice marks on her face. – Henny Youngman
I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up – they have no holidays. – Henny Youngman
If you’re going to do something tonight that you’ll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late. – Henny Youngman
People and squirrels are very different. Most people will not argue that. But I find that there is one situation in which theyre very similar. And that is: when I am driving towards them in my car. Then theyre kind of hard to tell apart – especially if the human is kind of hairy. – Demetri Martin