Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. – George Carlin
Were having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, were having a swan. You get more stuffing. – George Carlin
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. – George Carlin
When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. Im sure it made the work seem that much more urgent. – George Carlin
I had the classic 40 meltdown. I did. Its embarrassing. It was pretty funny. But then I recovered. To me, it was like a second adolescence. Hormonally, my body was changing, my mind was changing, and so my relationship to myself and the world around me came to this assault of finiteness. – Keanu Reeves
When I was a kid I didnt feel like I fit in because – this is really silly and I probably shouldnt say it, but, I didnt think anything was funny. So I used to go home and literally cry to my mom and my step-dad at the time and I didnt think anything was funny. I couldnt laugh. – Courteney Cox