Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting. – Dave Barry
A Mission Statement is a dense slab of words that a large organization produces when it needs to establish that its workers are not just sitting around downloading Internet porn. – Dave Barry
Although Golf was originally restricted to wealthy Protestants, today its open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. – Dave Barry
The taxpayers cannot be relied upon to support performing arts such as opera. As a taxpayer, I am forced to admit that I would rather undergo a vasectomy via Weed Whacker than attend an opera. – Dave Barry