Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting. – Dave Barry
Imagine what will happen to this nation if large numbers of American women start using the Wonderbra. It will be catastrophic. The male half of the population will be nothing but mindless drooling Zombies of Lust. Granted, this is also true now, but it will be even worse. – Dave Barry
While you are destroying your mind watching the worthless, brain-rotting drivel on TV, we on the Internet are exchanging, freely and openly, the most uninhibited, intimate and, yes, shocking details about our config.sys settings. – Dave Barry
What, exactly, is the Internet? Basically it is a global network exchanging digitized data in such a way that any computer, anywhere, that is equipped with a device called a “modem” can make a noise like a duck choking on a kazoo. – Dave Barry
I was in a karaoke video in 1991, for a song called Sukiyaki, which is a very famous Japanese song, and Ive actually heard from people that theyve been in bars in Asia where theyve seen me come up in the Sukiyaki video that they play behind you. Im in that. Im in a karaoke video. – Michael Weatherly