I dont have a bank account because I dont know my mothers maiden name. – Paula Poundstone
I have a very silly sense of humor. Ive never laughed harder in my entire life than seeing someone with toilet paper stuck on the bottom of their shoe. – Paula Poundstone
My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, Mom, they werent trying to teach you how to swim. – Paula Poundstone
The problem with cats is that they get the exact same look on their face whether they see a moth or an axe-murderer. – Paula Poundstone
There are lots of people out there who think they know the truth about God and religion, but does anybody really know for sure? Thats why the founding fathers built freedom of religious belief into the structure of this nation, so that everybody could make up their minds for themselves. – Jesse Ventura