I used to watch The Waltons and sob because my family was nothing like that. We had a cruel sense of humor in my family. – Paula Poundstone
Im thankful for Sarah Palins vice presidential bid, which taught us that Alaska is not in a box off the coast of California. – Paula Poundstone
The problem with cats is that they get the exact same look on their face whether they see a moth or an axe-murderer. – Paula Poundstone
The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, its just sort of a tired feeling. – Paula Poundstone
Im going to do a lot of weird stuff thats not going to be like me prancing around like an insane 12-year-old. I showed everybody that side of me and I think its time to do different stuff, even when it comes down to the type of humor. I want to do some drier, weirder stuff. – Andy Milonakis
Some major writers have a huge impact, like Ayn Rand, who to my mind is a lousy fiction writer because her writing has no compassion and virtually no humor. She has a philosophical and economical message that she is passing off as fiction, but it really isnt fiction at all. – Theodore Sturgeon