If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend. – Doug Larson
More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse. – Doug Larson
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Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon. – Doug Larson
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Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog. – Doug Larson
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Ants are so much like human beings as to be an embarrassment. They farm fungi, raise aphids as livestock, launch armies into war, use chemical sprays to alarm and confuse enemies, capture slaves, engage in child labour, exchange information ceaselessly. They do everything but watch television. – Lewis Thomas
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