The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. – Andy Rooney
The average bright young man who is drafted hates the whole business because an army always tries to eliminate the individual differences in men. – Andy Rooney
Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving America a new sense of purpose. – Andy Rooney
The federal government has sponsored research that has produced a tomato that is perfect in every respect, except that you cant eat it. We should make every effort to make sure this disease, often referred to as progress, doesnt spread. – Andy Rooney