If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one. – Andy Rooney
The federal government has sponsored research that has produced a tomato that is perfect in every respect, except that you cant eat it. We should make every effort to make sure this disease, often referred to as progress, doesnt spread. – Andy Rooney
I hope all of you are going to fill out your census form when it comes in the mail next month. If you dont return the form the area you live in might get less government money and you wouldnt want that to happen, would you. – Andy Rooney
The best Christmas trees come very close to exceeding nature. – Andy Rooney
My mom is going to kill me for talking about sleeping with people. But I dont want to put myself in the position where Im in a monogamous relationship right now. Im not dating just one person. Sex and the City changed everything for me because those girls would sleep with so many people. – Lindsay Lohan