Violet will be a good color for hair at just about the same time that brunette becomes a good color for flowers. – Fran Lebowitz
Large, naked raw carrots are acceptable as food only to those who lie in hutches eagerly awaiting Easter. – Fran Lebowitz
Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat. – Fran Lebowitz
My favorite animal is steak. – Fran Lebowitz
Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women, it is simply a good excuse not to play football. – Fran Lebowitz
There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness and death. – Fran Lebowitz
If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater… suggest that he wear a tail. – Fran Lebowitz
Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort. If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass. – Fran Lebowitz
Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky. – Fran Lebowitz
