Large, naked raw carrots are acceptable as food only to those who lie in hutches eagerly awaiting Easter. – Fran Lebowitz
If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater… suggest that he wear a tail. – Fran Lebowitz
I must take issue with the term a mere child, for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult. – Fran Lebowitz
Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort. If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass. – Fran Lebowitz