An account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools. – Ambrose Bierce
A funeral is a pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker. – Ambrose Bierce
Childhood: the period of human life intermediate between the idiocy of infancy and the folly of youth – two removes from the sin of manhood and three from the remorse of age. – Ambrose Bierce
Genealogy. An account of ones descent from an ancestor who did not particularly care to trace his own. – Ambrose Bierce