Quote by Demetri Martin
I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wr

I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said Happy Birthday on it. I didnt want to waste it so I just wrote Jesus on it. – Demetri Martin

Other quotes by Demetri Martin

If I have to move up in a building, I choose the elevator over the escalator. Because one time I was riding the escalator and I tripped. I fell down the stairs for an hour and a half. – Demetri Martin

Category:
Time
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The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly. – Demetri Martin

Category:
funny
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I like to use I Cant Believe its Not Butter on my toast in the morning, because sometimes when I eat breakfast, I like to be incredulous. How was breakfast? Unbelievable. – Demetri Martin

Category:
Food
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Other Quotes from
Birthday
category

John Candy knew he was going to die. He told me on his 40th birthday. He said, well, Maureen, Im on borrowed time. – Maureen OHara

Category:
Birthday

I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing Happy Birthday. – Steven Wright

Category:
Birthday

We advance in years somewhat in the manner of an invading army in a barren land; the age that we have reached, as the saying goes, we but hold with an outpost, and still keep open communications with the extreme rear and first beginnings of the march. – Robert Louis Stevenson, “Virginibus Puerisque II,” Virginibus Puerisque, 1881

Category:
Birthday

They say that age is all in your mind. The trick is keeping it from creeping down into your body. – Author Unknown

Category:
Birthday

Random Quotes

The becoming of man is the history of the exhaustion of his possibilities. – Susan Sontag

Category:
History

When they call the slightest spending reductions painful, we will say If government spending prevents pain, why are we suffering so much of it? And If you want to experience real pain, just stay on the track we are on. – Mitch Daniels

Category:
Experience

All the strength and force of man comes from his faith in things unseen. He who believes is strong he who doubts is weak. Strong convictions precede great actions. – James Freeman Clarke

Category:
Faith

Living involves tearing up one rough draft after another. – Author unknown

Category:
Life