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Quote by Demetri Martin
I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wr

I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said Happy Birthday on it. I didnt want to waste it so I just wrote Jesus on it. – Demetri Martin

Other quotes by Demetri Martin

For example, I was a White House intern the summer before I dropped out of law school. Everybody knew about it. Id come home and go to church and everybody would say, Oh, my God. Demetri, youre working at the White House. – Demetri Martin

Category:
Home
Author
Demetri Martin
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I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle thats 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says go outside. – Demetri Martin

Category:
funny
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Demetri Martin
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Other Quotes from
Birthday
category

You know youre getting old when the candles cost more than the cake. – Bob Hope

Category:
Birthday

I started running around my 30th birthday. I wanted to lose weight I didnt anticipate the serenity. Being in motion, suddenly my body was busy and so my head could work out some issues I had swept under a carpet of wine and cheese. Good therapy, thats a good run. – Michael Weatherly

Category:
Birthday

You always get a special kick on opening day, no matter how many you go through. You look forward to it like a birthday party when youre a kid. You think something wonderful is going to happen. – Joe DiMaggio

Category:
Birthday

I binge when Im happy. When everything is going really well, every day is like Im at a birthday party. – Kirstie Alley

Category:
Birthday

Random Quotes

Mother knows breast. – Author Unknown

Category:
Breastfeeding

When a man gets talking about himself, he seldom fails to be eloquent and often reaches the sublime. – Josh Billings

Category:
Conversation

The most dire disaster in love is the death of imagination. – George Meredith

Category:
Death

I dont cook – I can cook – but Im not very good. I like being asked over for dinner, because she cant cook either. We would starve if it werent for modern technology. I know how to work a microwave, but love home cooked meals. – Mark Mothersbaugh

Category:
Technology