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Quote by Demetri Martin
I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wr

I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said Happy Birthday on it. I didnt want to waste it so I just wrote Jesus on it. – Demetri Martin

Other quotes by Demetri Martin

The comedians I liked were Bill Cosby and Steven Wright, like just always as a comedic actor. I always liked Gary Larson, whos really funny for a cartoonist, obviously. – Demetri Martin

Category:
funny
Author
Demetri Martin
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Other Quotes from
Birthday
category

I hate birthdays. I hate birthday parties. I hate them. I dont know what it is, anybodys only got to come wafting near me with a piece of cake with a candle on and I break out in hives. – Cat Deeley

Category:
Birthday

I hate birthdays. – Zane Grey

Category:
Birthday

When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to do it. – Mark Twain

Category:
Birthday

It is ironic that the one thing that all religions recognize as separating us from our creator, our very self-consciousness, is also the one thing that divides us from our fellow creatures. It was a bitter birthday present from evolution. – Annie Dillard

Category:
Birthday

Random Quotes

If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check. – Dan Quayle, attributed

Category:
Internet

It is nobler to convert souls, than to conquer kingdoms. – Louis Debonnaire

Category:
Persuasion

Its such a long mission and we get to spend so much time in space… were doing such exciting research. And I dont want to overemphasize the life science research, but as a physician the life science research that were doing is extremely exciting. – Laurel Clark

Category:
Science

Living with the immediacy of death helps you sort out your priorities in life. It helps you to live a less trivial life. – Sogyal Rinpoche

Category:
Death