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Quote by Demetri Martin
I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wr

I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said Happy Birthday on it. I didnt want to waste it so I just wrote Jesus on it. – Demetri Martin

Other quotes by Demetri Martin

People and squirrels are very different. Most people will not argue that. But I find that there is one situation in which theyre very similar. And that is: when I am driving towards them in my car. Then theyre kind of hard to tell apart – especially if the human is kind of hairy. – Demetri Martin

Category:
car
Author
Demetri Martin
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I like to use I Cant Believe its Not Butter on my toast in the morning, because sometimes when I eat breakfast, I like to be incredulous. How was breakfast? Unbelievable. – Demetri Martin

Category:
Food
Author
Demetri Martin
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Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time. – Demetri Martin

Category:
Time
Author
Demetri Martin
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Other Quotes from
Birthday
category

I binge when Im happy. When everything is going really well, every day is like Im at a birthday party. – Kirstie Alley

Category:
Birthday

Middle age is the time when a man is always thinking that in a week or two he will feel as good as ever. – Don Marquis

Category:
Birthday

I sing a little bit. I got a guitar for my 16th birthday. – Jesse Plemons

Category:
Birthday

When I was a kid, for my birthday every year, my mother made me pasta bechamel, which is rigatoni with a white cream sauce. – Giada De Laurentiis

Category:
Birthday

Random Quotes

Success turns a lot of people off. I have a pretty solid sense of joy and respect that irritates people, and can irritate me, too. – Dave Matthews

Category:
respect

Tony and I had a good on and off screen relationship, we are two very different people, but we did share a sense of humor, we now live in different parts of the world but when we find ourselves in the same place it is more or less as if there had been no years in between. – Roger Moore

Category:
Humor

Operationally, God is beginning to resemble not a ruler but the last fading smile of a cosmic Cheshire cat. – Julian Huxley

Category:
God

Grief cant be shared. Everyone carries it alone. His own burden in his own way. – Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Category:
alone