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Quote by Demetri Martin
I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wr

I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said Happy Birthday on it. I didnt want to waste it so I just wrote Jesus on it. – Demetri Martin

Other quotes by Demetri Martin

People and squirrels are very different. Most people will not argue that. But I find that there is one situation in which theyre very similar. And that is: when I am driving towards them in my car. Then theyre kind of hard to tell apart – especially if the human is kind of hairy. – Demetri Martin

Category:
car
Author
Demetri Martin
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Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away. – Demetri Martin

Category:
funny
Author
Demetri Martin
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For example, I was a White House intern the summer before I dropped out of law school. Everybody knew about it. Id come home and go to church and everybody would say, Oh, my God. Demetri, youre working at the White House. – Demetri Martin

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Home
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Demetri Martin
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Other Quotes from
Birthday
category

I tend to foster drama via bleakness. If I want the reader to feel sympathy for a character, I cleave the character in half, on his birthday. And then it starts raining. And hes made of sugar. – George Saunders

Category:
Birthday

I had a birthday one night on a farm we were shooting on. I walked into the tent, and there were 150 people waiting for me, all wearing masks of my face. – Stephen Hopkins

Category:
Birthday

One I built when I was a kid, and it was a real miniature of Disneyland. I fell in love with the park when I went there with my parents on my 12th birthday. – Bobby Sherman

Category:
Birthday

A gift consists not in what is done or given, but in the intention of the giver or doer. – Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Category:
Birthday

Random Quotes

Seize the moments of happiness, love and be loved! That is the only reality in the world, all else is folly. – Leo Tolstoy

Category:
Love

I still believe in a place called Hope. – William J. Clinton

Category:
Hope

I watched Titanic when I got back home from the hospital, and cried. I knew that my IQ had been damaged. – Stephen King

Category:
Home

We are not about to send American boys 9 or 10 thousand miles away from home to do what Asian boys ought to be doing for themselves. – Lyndon B. Johnson

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Home