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Quote by Demetri Martin
I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wr

I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said Happy Birthday on it. I didnt want to waste it so I just wrote Jesus on it. – Demetri Martin

Other quotes by Demetri Martin

I like women, but you cant always trust them. Some of them are big liars, like this one woman I met who had a dog. I asked her her dogs name and then I asked, Does he bite? and she said, No. And I said, So how does he eat? Liar! – Demetri Martin

Category:
Trust
Author
Demetri Martin
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For example, I was a White House intern the summer before I dropped out of law school. Everybody knew about it. Id come home and go to church and everybody would say, Oh, my God. Demetri, youre working at the White House. – Demetri Martin

Category:
Home
Author
Demetri Martin
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If I have to move up in a building, I choose the elevator over the escalator. Because one time I was riding the escalator and I tripped. I fell down the stairs for an hour and a half. – Demetri Martin

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Time
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Demetri Martin
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Other Quotes from
Birthday
category

When someone asks if youd like cake or pie, why not say you want cake and pie? – Lisa Loeb

Category:
Birthday

Well, I started conducting kind of by accident. I wanted to give myself a special birthday present for my fortieth birthday, and I was living in San Francisco at the time and I started attending some of the concerts and then simply dropping hints. – Bobby McFerrin

Category:
Birthday

I had been offered a Hollywood contract before my 18th birthday. It gave me the spark I needed. – Gene Tierney

Category:
Birthday

I married two weeks after my 18th birthday, far too young, and by the time I was 23 I was a single mother of three small children, Sean, Daniel and Victoria, living in a prefab house. – Sue Townsend

Category:
Birthday

Random Quotes

Ironically, it is exactly because we are a city that embraces freedom, that welcomes everyone and encourages their dreams, that New York remains on the front lines in the war on terror. – Michael Bloomberg

Category:
Dreams

I think were in good hands. Theres definitely much more momentum in bringing in good things to help support the show. Everyones got a good attitude about it and I think that makes all the difference. – Crystal Chappell

Category:
Attitude

When things are bad, we take comfort in the thought that they could always get worse. And when they are, we find hope in the thought that things are so bad they have to get better. – Malcolm Forbes

Category:
Hope

I could never take the idea of religion very seriously. – Joyce Carol Oates

Category:
Religion