Quote by Demetri Martin
I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wr

I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said Happy Birthday on it. I didnt want to waste it so I just wrote Jesus on it. – Demetri Martin

Other quotes by Demetri Martin

But what I was going to say was, I just figured Im going to go boldly in the direction of my dreams, say it as Thoreau would say, and just see where it takes me. – Demetri Martin

Category:
Dreams
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And of course I didnt make any money from stand up for years, so I had temp jobs. That was the way I made money. – Demetri Martin

Category:
Money
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People and squirrels are very different. Most people will not argue that. But I find that there is one situation in which theyre very similar. And that is: when I am driving towards them in my car. Then theyre kind of hard to tell apart – especially if the human is kind of hairy. – Demetri Martin

Category:
car
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Other Quotes from
Birthday
category

Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened. – Jennifer Yane

Category:
Birthday

Nicole will come up in conversations where its in a part of the conversation. Or we may be somewhere and I would tell some story about their mother and I. You know, we always honor her birthday. – O. J. Simpson

Category:
Birthday

When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to do it. – Mark Twain

Category:
Birthday

I often buy myself presents. Sometimes I will spend $100,000 in one day in a posh boutique. – Celine Dion

Category:
Birthday

Random Quotes

Personally, I would sooner have written Alice in Wonderland than the whole Encyclopedia Britannica. – Stephen Leacock

Category:
Imagination

And, in a funny way, each death is different and you mourn each death differently and each death brings back the death you mourned earlier and you get into a bit of a pile-up. – Nigella Lawson

Category:
Death

A good leader takes care of those in their charge. A bad leader takes charge of those in their care. – Simon Sinek

Category:
Leadership

The law will never make a man free it is men who have got to make the law free. – Henry David Thoreau

Category:
Men