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Quote by Demetri Martin
I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wr

I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said Happy Birthday on it. I didnt want to waste it so I just wrote Jesus on it. – Demetri Martin

Other quotes by Demetri Martin

My favorite fruit is grapes. Because with grapes, you always get another chance. Cause, you know, if you have a crappy apple or a peach, youre stuck with that crappy piece of fruit. But if you have a crappy grape, no problem – just move on to the next. Grapes: The Fruit of Hope. – Demetri Martin

Category:
Hope
Author
Demetri Martin
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I think it would be cool if you were writing a ransom note on your computer, if the paper clip popped up and said, Looks like youre writing a ransom note. Need help? You should use more forceful language, youll get more money. – Demetri Martin

Category:
cool
Author
Demetri Martin
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If I have to move up in a building, I choose the elevator over the escalator. Because one time I was riding the escalator and I tripped. I fell down the stairs for an hour and a half. – Demetri Martin

Category:
Time
Author
Demetri Martin
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Other Quotes from
Birthday
category

Let us celebrate the occasion with wine and sweet words. – Plautus

Category:
Birthday

My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me. – Jim Valvano

Category:
Birthday

Middle age is the time when a man is always thinking that in a week or two he will feel as good as ever. – Don Marquis

Category:
Birthday

Since graduation, I have measured time in 4-by-5-inch pieces of paper, four days on the left and three on the right. Every social engagement, interview, reading, flight, doctors appointment, birthday and dry-cleaning reminder has been handwritten between metal loops. – Sloane Crosley

Category:
Birthday

Random Quotes

Im a workaholic. Before long Im traveling on my nervous energy alone. This is incredibly exhausting. – Eva Gabor

Category:
alone

You may easily play a joke on a man who likes to argue — agree with him. – Edward W. Howe

Category:
Agreement

I felt so painfully isolated that I vowed I would get revenge on the world by becoming a famous cartoonist. – Robert Crumb

Category:
famous

The key is not the “will to win” — everybody has that. It is the will to prepare to win that is important. – Bobby Knight

Category:
Sports