Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza. – Dave Barry
Auto racing is boring except when a car is going at least 172 miles per hour upside down. – Dave Barry
The word user is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot. – Dave Barry
The Internet: transforming society and shaping the future through chat. – Dave Barry
Like other parties of the kind, it was first silent, then talky, then argumentative, then disputatious, then unintelligible, then altogether, then inarticulate, and then drunk. When we had reached the last step of this glorious ladder, it was difficult to get down again without stumbling. – George Gordon, Lord Byron
As much as I would love to be a person that goes to parties and has a couple of drinks and has a nice time, that doesnt work for me. Id just rather sit at home and read, or go out to dinner with someone, or talk to someone I love, or talk to somebody that makes me laugh. – Daniel Radcliffe