Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza. – Dave Barry
Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling. – Dave Barry
People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them. – Dave Barry
I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they dont even invite me. – Dave Barry