My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home. – Rodney Dangerfield
I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it. – Rodney Dangerfield

My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home. – Rodney Dangerfield
I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it. – Rodney Dangerfield
Men who do things without being told draw the most wages. – Rodney Dangerfield
I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people. – Rodney Dangerfield
I saw the president make the tough calls in the Situation Room – and today, our troops in Iraq have finally come home so America can do some nation building here at home. That was the change that we believed in. That was the change we fought for. That was the change President Obama delivered. – Rahm Emanuel