When I wake up in the morning, I just cant get started until Ive had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, Ive tried other enemas. – Emo Philips
Probably the worst time in a persons life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise its been a pretty good day. – Emo Philips
My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing. – Emo Philips
I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator. – Emo Philips
In order to have good fried chicken, you should wash and season the bird the morning youre preparing it for dinner. Dont wait and do it right before you start cooking. Throw it in the refrigerator, seasoned, that morning, and give it a chance to soak up all the salt and pepper and goodness. – Paula Deen