When I wake up in the morning, I just cant get started until Ive had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, Ive tried other enemas. – Emo Philips
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. – Emo Philips
Probably the worst time in a persons life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise its been a pretty good day. – Emo Philips
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men dont seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper. – Emo Philips