He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites. – Emo Philips
Probably the worst time in a persons life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise its been a pretty good day. – Emo Philips
Women: You cant live with them, and you cant get them to dress up in a skimpy little Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash or something. – Emo Philips
I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator. – Emo Philips
Greatness lies, not in being strong, but in the right using of strength and strength is not used rightly when it serves only to carry a man above his fellows for his own solitary glory. He is the greatest whose strength carries up the most hearts by the attraction of his own. – Henry Ward Beecher