I was warned to stop smoking, which I did, for two or three days, but it was too lonesome, and I have resumed — in a modified way — 4 smokes a day instead of 40. This will have a good effect. On the bank balance. – Mark Twain
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. – Mark Twain
If they had not landed there would be some reason for celebrating the fact. – Mark Twain
He is useless on top of the ground; he ought to be under it, inspiring the cabbages. – Mark Twain
By the time one is eighty, it is said, there is no longer a tug of war in the garden with the May flowers hauling like mad against the claims of the other months. All is at last in balance and all is serene. The gardener is usually dead, of course. – Henry Mitchell, The Essential Earthman, 1981