Today, one year after their divorce, Pamela and Tommy Lee announced theyre getting back together. You know what that means? Theres still hope for Ike and Tina Turner. – Jay Leno

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime. Teach a man to create an artificial shortage of fish and he will eat steak. – Jay Leno
Al Jazeera aired a new tape of Osama bin Laden. It was the usual stuff, he called Bush evil, the Great Satan, called him a war monger. Basically, the same thing you heard at last nights Democratic debate. – Jay Leno
Im moving on. I should have made that clear when I made the announcement. I guess I wasnt clear. If people think youre leaving a show after all these years, you might be retiring. So I understand where theyre coming from, but I should have impressed the fact that I hope Im just moving on right now. – Regis Philbin
Random Quotes
If other Germans drink beer, German students swill it. If one is unable to toss off his fifteen glasses in an hour, it is regarded by his fellows as a sign of puerility only less strong than that he has the scar of no duel on his cheek. – Arthur Handly Marks, “Berlin: Its Bayonets and Its Beer” (Berlin, 1887 June 14th